somethings must be left unsaid

No explanation needed please. please. i dont wanna see wad you say, just leave me alone will do. I will be perfectly fine if you leave me alone.

seriously?

Seriously, i will be freaking glad if my heart could give me a break too. I WISH I COULD. If this page that you are viewing now hurts, make you upset, unhappy or wadever shit you are feeling, then don't visit this place anymore. i mean it. I blog to make me feel better & u are no longer responsible for my feelings now. How i feel now is none of your business. I could have save a heartbreak meant for two if i have make the correct decision 3 years ago. Enjoy your long awaited holiday. 

Tired

为什么我那时候要那么拼命的去关心，爱护和等待着你呢？无论什么事发生，我记得
为了你，不管我受了多少苦，受了多少委屈，我都可以忍。但是我这么做，只是让
我觉得很笨。你不但放弃了这一段爱情，你还狠狠的把我的心给丢进了大海。我真
的很想知道为什么你要这么做。你根本没有给“ 我们”一个机会。是我太天真吗？
是因为我配不上你吗？我愿意等，为什么你却不可以让我有这个机会呢？你知道我
现在有多想你吗？。。。 我真的很累了.

Direct arrows?

im hitting the replay button that have no more meaning to it. Dinosaur is extinct, yet I'm seeing them in my mind.

Full of doubts.

Best buddy i have. 

Sup readers, I know i "MIA" for a long time. Gonna be a long post today. My thought, feeling and wadever shit that i feel like saying it out here.

School started, holiday ended. & its the start of another 15 weeks of "RJ,PDT,WS,PRESENTATION" life. Its already year 2 sem 2 . time flies. I swear i hate RJ policy of changing class every single sem. Although i get to know ton lots of new friends, i have to change class every 15 week. Its like we have just started to really get along and bond well with each other & we have to change our class already. Shitty arrangement.
Anyway, first week of school is not that bad after all. (At least all the new friends that i have make in my team is very friendly and helpful). All of us have this motto in RP that i always agree on too (sharing is caring)

BOOO, shall not talk so much about school staff.  Kind of boring yeah?
lets talk about friends and the people i have seen recently. I have lots of stuff to rant regarding some ill mannered retards living in this planet wasting our god damn precious oxygen. So can anyone tell me what is the purpose of playing sports? To keep ourselves healthy & most importantly to enjoy right? But some people just wanna fight/find problems no matter where they go. I just don't get it. As much as i wanna ignored it, this kid have to ram the ball at the innocent dustbin and topple it before he march off with his retard face screaming and cursing @*!#&$(@#! at his opponent. Sore loser, ill manner kid. Making the place dirty by his actions. Sigh. More and more kids nowadays are rude, arrogant and inconsiderate. Nowadays, people just don't have any respect for anyone, and what's worse - they just DON'T CARE! Unfortunately, rudeness and inconsideracy have become the norm, and others have become so complacent, they just "accept it" or have become more "tolerant" of it. Sigh x10. Do you feel angry at the irresponsibility of people around you? Have you ever asked yourself , what makes people so inconsiderate? What makes them care so little? You guys can reflect about that yourself.
Friends. i seriously hate to start this topic. But i always have problem with issue regarding it. Used to have this close clique of friends, but due to my selfishness, things changes. We are not as close as those times anymore. Am i right by choosing to avoid them at that time? Am i a downright lousy friend? i choose to leave because i really cant take it anymore. My mind cant take it anymore, i need a break from all this shit. Already facing so many difficulties in life, & with my 'not yet recover setback that happened a year or two years ago' I just felt that my decision to leave is a rather controversial one. But even so, i felt so guilty. Perhaps i'm not a good friend after all. uncertainty within me can lead to wrong impulsive decision.

Still on the topic on friends, What would you guys do if one of your friends did something wrong.? would you keep quiet about it? Or tell your friend about it? (do think that by doing so, it will include the risk of quarrelling). How now brown cow? If your friend is some sort of ill-manner and is obviously in the wrong yet his/her stubbornness of thinking that he/she is right all the time is making her so unreasonable. Will you pretend nothing happen and avoid trouble? Agrh. So many things on my mind. Sacrifices make to your own benefits, yet hurt the other party in the process, is this consider as an selfish act? Used to think that the answer is a direct yes. but.. i'm not too sure about that now. I do regret the decision now, we could have been good friends still. Not like now where you have to specifically delayed the reply because you have to be careful with every word used as you typed the message. It's like sigh... I choose to give on that day, trying my very best forgo everything. I thought i did it, only till yesterday i realized that it is a false alarm. There is this girl, somehow or rather remind me of you when i'm playing soccer. I hurt my knee and i seat at the side watching the others play. She came to me and ask if i'm alright, immediately you appeared in my mind. I miss the times when you still bother to care so much about me. Yeah, we needed MORE time to adapt to a new life even after close to a year plus. Just how long more? i'm not too sure about that. One things for sure, i'm afraid to trust love again.

Dance and dinner on next monday. Still thinking of what to wear for the upcoming event. Juggling with studies & work at the same time now, hopefully i can manage both of it. Basic theory test on 22nov, hopefully i can ease that one easily too. Alright, have to eat my tauhuey and head to bed, cant write any longer. Cant denied the fact that sleep is so important to me right now. Nights everyone.

Empty

wanted to do a long post. but oh well, sleeping is damn important for me now. shall write next time. very soon i hope.

Imma happy kids back then.

Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When your mummy was the only girl you ever kissed. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day,  you could just run to mummy and it would all be okay.  I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter.  When everyone always lives happily ever after. 

Somehow or rather, i got to find a way back to my normal self.

Firstly, sorry for not updating my blog for so long. Having the urge to blog since last week yet i cant cause i simply don't have the time to do so. Understanding test, school, meet up with friends/clique/classmates, watching euro is the reason why. I barely had enough time to sleep 8hours a day & worst part is i have to wake up at 6.15am every morning in zombie mode to prepare for school. Sigh, i cant really recalled when was the last time i blogged but well, i'm so gonna blog tonight and talk my hearts out. 


This is already the second week of school since the holiday ended, i totally don't have motivation to study for my understanding test. Can you imagine if you are having an examination tomorrow, you are not studying for it yet blogging like what i'm exactly doing now? #nomotivation #lazy #heckcareattitude #sleepy. All this reasons pretty sums up why. Screwed my GPA, i just hope that i don't have to retake any of my modules. Anyway, somehow i'm still quite confident that i will passed tomorrow understanding test even thought i'm lazy to study for it. Talking about studies, i really wonder if studies is the only way for a bright future. Is there like route B or something? Or route C where you strike toto, 4D or buy Singapore to win the next world cup? Anyway does bright future means making lots of money and being rich? Oh well, different people have different thinking and point of views, there is no right or wrong to this type of question. I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. 


Life to me is pretty fuck up, seems easy but actually hard to live. Sometimes people come into my life and i know they are the one that either make a huge impact of my life or make a mess out of it. Somehow most people you meet will affect your life in some profound ways. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned form. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones. After the blogged that you posted on 23june, i'm determine to get over it as soon as possible. Enough is enough, this will be the last time i will cry for you. Thinking about it, was it worth it?


You hurt me, breaks my heart but i'm not gonna hate you. Because you are the one who helped me learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom i open my heart. I will still love you, no doubt because that feeling will never go away. Impossible to forget nor delete away from my mind. Hope in time when i found the right girl that open my heart again, will be the day that our memories turns beautiful instead of the sorrow ones that i'm feeling now. This is sheer stupidity but now that we are strangers, fate shall decide whether we will start to know each other as a friend over again in the future. You are creating your own path of life and i hope you can live it with absolutely no regrets. Studies is very important to you, but do appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. 


Recently i found out that i'm actually a person that people like to take advantage of. I know i'm easy to bully, i know i'm stupid because no matter how bad you are to me nor say me, i will tolerant everything and not do anything about it. You don't have to win every arguments, agree to disagreement is what i always do. However i still have my limits, please be more considerate and don't use my kindness as a form of way to take advantage of it. What goes around, comes around. Bare that in your mind. Do good deeds & good things will come back to you. Do bad things and i'm sure karma will strike you. Here is a story that i read in the morning while on my way to school and i strongly believe this phase "what goes around, comes around."

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”

There is an old saying “What goes around comes around.”

Anyway, i gonna sleep now. I got to find a way back to my old self. Nights readers. (:

You.

Yes we found love in a hopeless place. Been so long since i last talk to you, as usual you must be busy with your studies. Hope you are doing fine. Wanted to text you, but i lack the courage. Close to 8months, i thought things might change. Yet till now, all i can say is i still miss you..

Misery heart

Its being quite some time since i last blogged. Well time now is 3.19am, however i decided to blog since i cant get to sleep anyway. February is always the month i look forward to, because it is always the happiest month in my life. My birthday falls on 8feb, most Chinese new year falls in the month of February and valentine falls on the 14 feb. There is so much things to celebrate. However things changes differently this year, i dread february.  Mixed feeling i guess. 11feb 2years/1years ago i could clearly remember what happen. Cant help but to drop a few tears. 6month past, not long nor short either. I finally realised that i'm not as strong as i thought to be. Never knew this would be so hurting. I wanna visit the beach soon, i miss the peaceful sound of the waves, i miss shouting out everything i wanna pour out from my misery heart. Short post, no one will read this anyway. So yeah, A thousand years await..

New year, 2012.

A month since i last blogged. 

2011, is the past now. We are currently living in the year 2012. Last year, my life changes dramatically throughout the 360 days. Walking into another chapter of my life, from a secondary school student to a poly students. I have to admit that i judge things wrongly. I thought poly life would be fun, enjoyable, easy and comfortable. I thought i had finally ended secondary school life, no more math, no more science, no more social studies and so on. I even thought that i have a stable relationship that will last. How wrong i am to think this way. All the stress i had in secondary school life, is pilling up on me instead. Totally misjudge the things that is coming my way.

Life changes much more than i expected. I get all lined up just the way i liked it then something beyond my control comes along and bumps me off center. Nothing stays the same. I grow up, make friends, lose friends, lose track of people at time. Single experience make me learn many things in life. Thanks to 2011, i know who my true friends are. Not listing it out, i know it in my heart. 2011 is really the year that went by so fast, maybe a little too fast. Its also the year my so called friend walk out of my life, and its the year i realize who the real ones are. I'm seriously disappointed with some of my friends, some whom used to be very close to me. They change. This freaking year, i also felt the most pressure to the point where i gave up so many times but still learning how to get back up.

I don't wish to push the situation further and further away. I desperately need a solution. I'm definitely setting my feet on the wrong track, cos i'm not close to letting go at all. Its always back to square one. I really think that this world doesn't makes any sense anymore. Recently i just found out the fact that i cant drink much, i get drunk easily. People drink irresponsibly, in hope to forget everything for one night. But i guess it will backfire badly afterwards. There are may things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how. 

HAPPY 2012 PEEPS! I miss you people. Miss secondary school life. You guys are awesome people, true friends. Lets meet up more often this year as well yeah. My life is still very normal. Went countdown this year with Alex, Eelin, Yanheng and co's at Punggol to watch the firework. Play cards at my house there the roof garden till early morning and play soccer as well. Therefore this is how i spend my first night of 2012. Tired but awesome! (: 

           Went to Hongkong with my family & awesome peeps during the short holiday at dec 2011! 

My family ! 

<3

Myself ! 

The awesome people i get to know during the trip. 

What a fun trip it turn out to be. The people there is just so awesome. I get to spend lots of quality time with

my family. Well, I usually go out early in the morning and come home late at night, guilty much. My parents are the only person that love me the most and will be there for me no matter what. Yet at times i'm not being a good son to them at all. One of the resolution this year for me is to spend more time and be a much better son to them. Went there to do lots of shopping, bought shoe, belts, bag, shirt and other things. Thumbs up for the trip because i totally enjoy it. 

Oh yeah and the chalet before i went oversea. 

The 3Days2night we had so much fun. Right mother? Right laoda aka da pigu? Right laoer aka penis xiao? Right laosan? Right laowu? Right laolui? Right laoqi? Right Laoba aka xiaomei? :D we shall meet again soon and maybe have chalet again next time. !! Alright shall stop writing. 

Signing off here. 

Damien.